I ordered a stroller, car seat and car seat bunting (to be used instead of a snowsuit) online and all arrived simultaneously today along with 2/3 of John's birthday presents. (Talk about eleventh hour! Lucky I get home before he does so I had time for a quick wrap job so I wasn't quite the slacker wife I thought I was going to be as I watched nothing happening on package tracking for the last week!) Our porch looked like a mail room!

Now I have conflicting urges to tear into the boxes to see and touch and assemble it all, but at the same time wanting to keep it all packaged so it could easily be sent back. The logical part of my brain knows that even if the baby came now, starting life at 32 weeks is a world away from starting at 24. There would still be some NICU time, but nothing like what Will went through. But emotionally, I can't let go of the fear. I guess I probably won't until I'm holding the baby in my arms. Even then, I'm sure there's a whole new set of fears waiting in the wings, but I'm hoping that unadulterated joy will be the antidote.