Saturday, July 30, 2005

Welcome to the Kenyon family blog. It's been up since Memorial Day, but we're just now sharing it. We plan to use it, as the header notes, to share family news and random musings, and the first bit of news, as you can see if you read from the bottom, is that we're expecting another baby in January. I've been bursting to tell people all summer, but John has calmly played the voice of reason in this little drama, reminding me that even under the best circumstances it's best to wait at least until the end of the first trimester before sharing the news. And if you've come from our other blog, you certainly understand the many reasons this pregnancy can't be classified as routine.

I have the best doctor and a great medical facility practically in our backyard, so whatever is needed to keep us healthy will be done. Right now, other than a good diet and balance of rest and exercise, that consists of giving myself injections of heparin twice a day and taking a daily low-dose aspirin to keep my blood thin (clotting may have been a factor in my previous preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome) and having regular pre-natal check-ups every four weeks. The frequency of those checks will likely increase earlier than in most pregnancies. For those of you keeping track at home, I'm now 14 weeks along. I try to concentrate on each day, each week, and not let myself think too far ahead. There are just too many "what ifs."

Monday, July 04, 2005

Yesterday was a weird day. I woke up too early after being up late at a wedding and could not get back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. So I got up, but then spent the whole morning on the verge of an emotional meltdown. It finally happened shortly after noon when John asked if I wanted to go with him to the Jazz Fest downtown to hear a band we enjoy, led by a friend of a friend from Cedar Falls. I burst into tears and sobbed, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I can't get my emotions under control today!" John calmly replied, "Maybe because you're pregnant?" Oh yeah.

I think most men freak out or are at least squirmy uncomfortable at the sight of any woman's tears, especially those of their wife. But around here, tears have not been uncommon these last few months, so maybe he was relieved that there was no reason--no new or renewed pain triggering the outburst.

It's not that I ever forget that I'm pregnant, but I don't always focus on the enormous complexity of all that's going on physically. When I was pregnant with Will I was obsessed with the What to Expect When You're Expecting book and read and re-read it constantly to know what was going on at every moment. Now I know that there's no way to know what to expect next week or next month so I try to focus on each day. There's really no book for a pregnancy like this and I'm not sure I'd want to read it anyway. Maybe it's better not to know what's ahead. Maybe this is yet another test of my ability to give up my need to control and plan every last detail and just let myself be swept along. I guess that includes letting the tears flow where they may.